For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14
To be known is what I desire. To be seen is what I want. To be loved as I am is what I crave, and to be heard is what I need. My whole life, I have wasted wondering if I am enough? Am I good enough? Do I matter? Do I make a difference? I want to know that someone knows what I need. For so long, I thought men were the answer to all these questions. I wanted to be affirmed. But how can a man who has never been affirmed by the creator of heaven and earth affirm me?
I wasted 9 precious years of my life wandering in between the arms of men so that I could be affirmed. They couldn’t give me what I wanted, and instead, I would end up more lost in my self-worth while all along, God was asking for my attention. I couldn’t give my attention to this great God. How could I? I was afraid of what I did not know or understand, but yet He never gave up on me. He constantly pursued me. He frequently found ways to show me he was there. Some of his ways would seem unreal for many to believe, but that is who he is. The one who never gives up. The one who leaves the 99 to go for the 1. Oh, gracious God, what did you see in me? I was lost, without direction, and a lot of rejection towards you, but you never gave up on me. You pursued me and have always wanted me. You know me, and yet you still want me. I am a mess, but you like me, you love me as I am, so here I am, Lord. Take me as I am.