Hollywood did not give me what God has given me

When I was little, I used to love watching Mexican soap operas. I realized that the actresses were beautiful and desired. I wanted to be just like them. As I got older, the desire to be known and seen only grew stronger. When I was 18 years old, I moved to Hollywood to pursue a career as an actress and a model. I did pretty well and landed my own tv show named “Dayana Grace.” I started to receive new likes, followers, attention, and so much more, but it wasn’t enough. Something was missing. I felt empty even though I had everything I thought I wanted. Suddenly all of this began to take me into a place of despair, and I knew something had to change.
Growing up, I knew enough about Jesus to know he was real, but I didn’t know him nor trust him due to some things that happened to me. I did want a relationship with him, but I wanted it to be based on my conditions. I mainly only talked to him growing up when I needed something. As I entered into despair, I realized that I could either keep living in my fantasy world for the rest of my life, or I could invite Jesus into my heart. I wanted something tangible that would last, and somehow somewhere deep within me, I knew that Jesus was the answer. Over five years ago, I accepted by faith Jesus into my heart. Life isn’t the same anymore. I don’t have as many followers, likes, or attention, and I am okay with that because I am finally happy. God has blessed me beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Within five years, God has given me more treasures than Hollywood ever could have. I have traveled for ministry to South Africa(twice), Dubai, and Mexico. I have shared my testimony on the radio, television, and events. I married an amazing, Godly man. God healed my relationship with my parents. And His goodness only continues. If I had to do this all over again, I wouldn’t hesitate to give my life to Jesus. If anything, I would run to Him. The world will never be able to satisfy what only Jesus can fulfill. 

Known

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14

To be known is what I desire. To be seen is what I want. To be loved as I am is what I crave, and to be heard is what I need. My whole life, I have wasted wondering if I am enough? Am I good enough? Do I matter? Do I make a difference? I want to know that someone knows what I need. For so long, I thought men were the answer to all these questions. I wanted to be affirmed. But how can a man who has never been affirmed by the creator of heaven and earth affirm me?

I wasted 9 precious years of my life wandering in between the arms of men so that I could be affirmed. They couldn’t give me what I wanted, and instead, I would end up more lost in my self-worth while all along, God was asking for my attention. I couldn’t give my attention to this great God. How could I? I was afraid of what I did not know or understand, but yet He never gave up on me. He constantly pursued me. He frequently found ways to show me he was there. Some of his ways would seem unreal for many to believe, but that is who he is. The one who never gives up. The one who leaves the 99 to go for the 1.  Oh, gracious God, what did you see in me? I was lost, without direction, and a lot of rejection towards you, but you never gave up on me. You pursued me and have always wanted me. You know me, and yet you still want me. I am a mess, but you like me,  you love me as I am, so here I am, Lord. Take me as I am.

Sin is Expensive

I’ve had this revelation recently as to why God doesn’t want us to sin. It’s not because he is controlling; he knows the unfavorable effect of our decisions. In my own life, I have experienced that sin is expensive. Sin causes shame, fear, envy, boasting, lies, anxiety, and so on. Sin separates us from God, for when we sin, we hide from him. God gives us Grace, a lot of Grace; however, there are still consequences to our sin. We have to acknowledge our sin, repent of it, and allow God to heal us. Sin does not only affect you, but it also affects those around you and your generations to come. Becoming a Christian does not mean that you have a license to sin because of the Grace given to you. I have seen this over and over again with Christians who willfully sin due to all the Grace they have. They seem to not be repentant or willing to acknowledge their sin. If you think about it, It’s a slap to God’s face every time we willfully sin. God calls us to repent. We see the word repent so many times in the Bible. Repentance can bring real change in us. If we want to have a repentant heart, we need to cry out to God to help us see our sin. We also need to invite him into our heart and ask him to be our strength. We can’t do this on our own and God knows this. This is why Jesus died on the cross for us. Grace is a gift to change us from the inside out and glorify Jesus with how we live our lives.

Beloved,
You need Jesus, and I need Jesus; we all need Jesus. Sit at his feet and appreciate his Grace. If what he has done for you on the cross is not enough to understand Grace, cry out to him, and ask him to help you understand why he willfully died for you.