forgiveness

Healing the mom wound for Mother’s Day

When I look back into my childhood and I think of the word “mom”, it hurts. Momma, you didn’t seem to be around much nor present. You stole from me those precious moments we could have had. Momma I needed you, where were you?

Time has shown me that I am not alone and that other women are going through this with their mom. The mom wound, is so hurtful and it also makes it hard to connect with other women at times. The truth is we are dealing with a mommy issue that needs healing in order to flourish into the woman we need to be. Taking the time to heal from this wound is so necessary in order to connect with others and also to be able to walk into motherhood with freedom. Satan is the one that likes to divide and your mother is the one that pushed through the pain in order to see you here today.

Many times, I have blamed my past on you, the reason for my mistakes, and many times I said I didn’t want to be you. The hurt of your absence has wounded my soul. There were many times, I considered never talking to you again. Your presence was so hurtful that I would rather never see you again. Growing up it felt as if I was your mom. I hated this part because I so desperately desired the ideal mom I would see in movies. I have judged you, disliked you, and gossiped about you. It’s easier to talk about you in a negative way than to try and focus on your good qualities. Focusing on your good qualities and efforts would ignore the pain of the wounded little girl. It would be a free pass to let you go and not have you pay for your lack in the area of motherhood.

All those years I disliked you could have been the years I could have known you. I am the one that has missed out on you momma.

One day, God broke through the walls of pain/anger and gave me the desire to forgive you. It wasn’t easy, it was really awkward at times. And many times, I didn’t get the exact apology I wanted. But over the years, I have tried with you. One time, I did this by going to the beach with momma and sitting down on the sand with her and I asked for forgiveness. Another time I did it by writing a letter expressing my feelings, I have tried so many things to see healing in our relationship. It has been worth it, I see it now.

Asking you for forgiveness was necessary because I too hurt your soul, momma. You have asked for forgiveness, not the way I wanted but you have and that is healing to my soul. Time doesn’t heal, it’s inviting Jesus into our pain that can heal and redeem our lost time.

The years in anger blinded me. I see now that all along you were trying your best as a single mother. You were gone all the time because you needed to provide for us. I now know that you were also going through things and growing through them.

Forgiving you has allowed me to see you for who you are: You are the mom I always dreamed of having. You are kind. You are generous. You are loving. You are funny. You make an effort. You are fun to be around. You are a good friend to have. You help me out a lot. You give the best hugs ever. You are someone I look up to.

Whether your mom is here today or gone from this earth, I want to encourage you to give her the gift of forgiveness this Mother’s Day.

Exodus 20:12

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.

**I love you Blanca Madrigal. Thank you for everything you have done for me. God chose for me the mom I need**.

Writer: Dayana Shiplett
http://www.Dayanashiplett.com

One of life’s challenges that we encounter is forgiving ourselves and others. Many of us, carry the burden from childhood into adulthood. As we get older, the harder it becomes to forgive. Although we genuinely want to forgive, we don’t know exactly how. The moment we feel pain, our instinct is to hold back. Instantly, we decide not to forgive. Discomfort makes the forgiveness process so much harder. Forgiving requires remembering what someone did to us, setting them free, and letting the offesnse go. But how do you let go of something that hurts so bad? How do you let go of something that made you question your identity?

For me, forgiveness has led to tears, anger, sadness, rage, cuss words, and falling on my knees to cry out to God for help.

Throughout my life, I learned to forgive myself for the monster I once was. I learned to forgive my dad who wanted my mom to abort me. I learned to forgive my brother and sister for rejecting me. I learned to forgive those that sexually molested me. I learned to forgive my mom for not being present. I learned to forgive the men that abused my heart.

Forgiveness, is a hard process and I am still going through it. I call it a process because it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and diligence. I think to myself, “Why am I the one that has to pay for something someone did to me?” The part that hurts me the most is facing the ones who did me wrong. Although I forgive them, most times, I don’t receive an apology. Deep inside, we all desire an apology. Some debtors will never admit their debt. I am someone that loves justice. If someone hurts me, I want them to pay. I think this comes from being so hard on myself and lacking in grace. Even though I feel this way, God, reminds me of His Grace. He set His eyes upon me and did not let me go even when I sined. He chose to forgive me and die for me.

Jesus is the perfect example of forgiveness. Even though humans sent him to the cross, He chose to love us, forgive us, and gifted us eternal life to not perish. I have forgiven so many people in my life, more times than I can count. But I still have a long way to go. As mentioned earlier, forgiveness is a process for me. However, with God’s help, I know I can forgive.

Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, “I tell you, not just seven times, but seventy-seven times! Matthew 18:21-22

Reflection Questions:

Who am I struggling to forgive?

Does forgiveness come easy for me?

How is not forgiving others affecting my life?

Do I believe in my heart that God has forgiven me?

How do you forgive:

You let go of holding a grudge, you let God into your pain, and your surrender the outcome to God.

Prayer time:

Father, I invite you into my hurt and into the unspoken. I ask you to heal me and fill my heart with compassion for those that have wronged me. Thank you for forgiving me and help me accept your forgiveness. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

To the forgotten sister ❤️

My older brother and sister did not choose me. I always tried to be liked by them but they tried not to see me. I wanted them to like me because I loved them… I mean that’s my older brother and sister I looked up to them.

But they held on to resentment I think because we didn’t have the same mom. It’s not my fault! I didn’t choose my parents. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was nice and and kind for years until I grew up and became a woman and rather than trying to seek their approval I began to push them away from my heart and thoughts. They have caused me pain and rejection beyond comprehension but this is not their fault. I mean do they really know any better? In their eyes I am the girl that took their dad away…

A few days ago God brought up my unforgiveness towards them and even though I did not like that, I knew I had to face it. So here I am having God work on this heart of mine to forgive and love them because at the end of the day, they are my brother and sister. And whether they like me or not I want to love them. I am not going to love them from a place of approval but from a place where I just want them to know that the little girl inside of me always wanted to love them from a pure genuine place.

Forgiveness is the best present your can give anyone. Who will you be forgiving or asking for forgiveness this Christmas?

P.s. go check out my new video on forgiveness. Watch now: https://youtu.be/MAvMbjCbTPI ❤️