A few months ago, I felt like the scripture put your house in order from Isaiah 38 kept coming up. Finally, one day I went to a coffee shop and took the time to study that specific scripture. I learned that King Hezekiah was ill and about to die, so the prophet Isaiah told him, “Thus says Adonai: Put your house in order. For you are dying and will not live.” When Hezekiah got this news, he wept bitterly and said to God, “Please, Adonai, remember how I have walked before You in truth and with a whole heart, and have done what is good in Your eyes.” God gave him another 15 years to live. I am pretty sure 15 years was a reasonable amount of time to get certain things in his life in order.
As I thought about this scripture and have marinated the information before writing, many things came up for me. The truth is that it’s not easy for me to slow down because I like to check off my to-do list. It gives me a sense of accomplishment in life. But I know deep inside that there is more to life than my list. If I found out that I only had a certain amount of time to live, I know for a fact I wouldn’t worry so much about all the petty little things I have to do, but I would be more concerned about being present. I would pray more for my loved ones’ souls to be saved. I would listen for hours to my husband talk, ask more questions, and be fully available when he needed me. I would write out my heart to leave some tangible words for the world to read, and I would let my loved ones know how important and meaningful they genuinely are to me.
By the grace of God, from what I know of, I still have time to live. I am so grateful for God’s word because it’s a reality check to refocus on what is truly important in life.
Fighting the “I am not good enough thoughts” is a battle between your mind and heart. When your heart and mind have been wounded by the lies people have spoken over you, you remain stuck. I will share with you how to break free from these lies…
There was a study done for two plants at a school to prove a point: The plant that was positively affirmed flourished, and the one that was spoken negatively to died.
I wonder if a part of our heart and mind shuts down when we have been beaten up with horrible words. I am not sure, but I do know that these words affect how we view ourselves and how we live our life. Words have power and I know this too well. I have seen how my words have brought people low, and also how they have brought them up. I used to have a friend in high school who struggled with depression, and when I took the time to call out all the good in her, she began to flourish and make positive choices. But I have also seen how my hurtful words have affected people, and how they keep bringing up in conversations what I said in the past.
When I think about the power words have, I think about the bible verse on Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
As a child, I lived through rejection of not feeling wanted because my dad wanted me to be aborted when he found out about me. Also, I went through sexual abuse at the age of 7 and after that, I was scared of the world. People had a hard time understanding me, and for that I always felt judged by them. As I got older, specially in high school, people began to speak horrible things to me such as “You are not enough”, and I began to believe this lie. I was living my life from a place of not feeling enough, and for that I would make poor choices, such as who I dated, and how insecurely I conducted myself.
Why did I let people determine my worth? Because I saw them as worthy, and I believed them. I wish I would not had given them power over me, but I did because I did not know any better.
When I came to have a relationship with God, I thought He also thought I wasn’t worthy because of my past mistakes (sins), but God isn’t like these people. He picked me up and called out the good in me. He began to reaffirm me in my identity and reminded me that I am enough, because he is my creator. That I am worthy because He died for me, and that I am loved because He is with me wherever I go.
I encourage you to let your battle be in prayer and in surrender. Allow God to be the authority in your life. Give Him the power to affirm you and begin to believe what He says about you….
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Sex is intimacy between two individuals. Sex allows us to become one as our bodies join together. Not only is our body involved but it become so much more as we are now allowing someone into our mind, soul, body, and spirit.
There is beauty in being vulnarable and I am about to get real with you. Let me share with you my sex life in the past and my sex life today. Even though some of you might feel uncomfortable reading this, my hope is to show you the beauty of intamicy.
I started to willingly have sex at the age of 17 years old, with someone I was in a committed relationship with, and from that point forward with whomever I was in a long-term relationship with. I didn’t believe in just having a one night stand, I believed that if I was going to have sex it was going to be with someone I who I was commited to.
Welcome into my past sex life Sex was for pleasure! It meant my partner and I were coming together, in order to f**k the brains out of each other. Sex was lustful and filled with dirty thoughts that took us to dirty places. For me, for example: it was bringing into the bedroom the fantasies I watched on porn earlier that week or imagining I was getting pleased by someone else rather than my partner. Having sex toys in the bedroom was a must, as if our bodies weren’t enough to pleasure one another. Sex left me feeling empty and wanting more, yet it was never fulfilling. It left me feeling shameful, as I was allowing my mind to be filled with disturbing thoughts and reminding me that, even though I was giving myself away, I still wasn’t married. With all honesty, I say that the years I wasted outside marriage having sex were pointless. I say this because it took years for me to heal from my past sex life.
Welcome into my Sex life today as a Married Woman When I had sex for the first time as a married woman it had been almost 4 years since I had sex. I took those years to focus on healing, and on my relationship with God. I stopped cold turkey watching pornography and masturbating. It was not always easy but I would pray and ask God for help. I also fasted to help me learn self-control. During my time of healing, I remember thinking to myself I could never marry a virgin because I just didn’t feel worthy of sleeping with someone who was pure. As time went by, I began to learn my identity in Christ and He began to show me that even though I had a past, He saw me made new and made pure. I ended up marrying a virgin and it has become my greatest blessing. Even though I wish I could have waited for him, God is bringing healing into my soul by reminding me through my husband that I am made new. Our sex life is so beautiful and pure. The best way I can describe it, is as if I am putting my tippy toes in clear clean water, that is the vision I get when I think of our sex life.
We both came into our marriage with no experience, as I had to relearn everything and do it God’s way. I also now had to get my satisfaction from pure thoughts rather than past thoughts. Our sex life, consists of relying on God and I wouldn’t have it any other way because every time we do it, it’s like a breath of fresh air.
To end this, my encouragement to you is to wait and begin to heal. Invite God into the brokeness of your soul and ask Him to heal you. You and your future spouse deserve the best you that God saw from the beginning. The purity of your mind, body, spirit, and soul is far more worth it, than someone who can’t commit to you or honor you.
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.