My older brother and sister did not choose me. I always tried to be liked by them but they tried not to see me. I wanted them to like me because I loved them… I mean that’s my older brother and sister I looked up to them.
But they held on to resentment I think because we didn’t have the same mom. It’s not my fault! I didn’t choose my parents. 🤷🏻♀️
I was nice and and kind for years until I grew up and became a woman and rather than trying to seek their approval I began to push them away from my heart and thoughts. They have caused me pain and rejection beyond comprehension but this is not their fault. I mean do they really know any better? In their eyes I am the girl that took their dad away…
A few days ago God brought up my unforgiveness towards them and even though I did not like that, I knew I had to face it. So here I am having God work on this heart of mine to forgive and love them because at the end of the day, they are my brother and sister. And whether they like me or not I want to love them. I am not going to love them from a place of approval but from a place where I just want them to know that the little girl inside of me always wanted to love them from a pure genuine place.
Forgiveness is the best present your can give anyone. Who will you be forgiving or asking for forgiveness this Christmas?
#1 Respect & Trust: A man’s biggest desire in life is respect and a woman’s is love. A woman tries her best to love her husband, without realizing that his biggest desire is respect. The bible even tells us this: Ephesians 5:33 However, each one of you also must love his wifeas he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.I added trust also because trust is in the same category for men as respect. Men do not feel respected when you do not trust them. So, ladies next time you want to not trust your husband or yell at him remember that love for men equals respect.
#2 Sex without conditions: I have heard in the past women manipulating their husbands with sex. Stories such as women keeping sex away from their husband if they don’t get their way. A husband should never have to be punished to go without sex. Now don’t get me wrong if your husband has done something to not want you to lay with him such as cheating, pornography, or physical abuse this is understandable and you both need to seek help. But if this is not the case then remember this: 1Cor 7:3-4 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
#3 Cook and get creative in the kitchen: It has been said that the way to a man’s heart is through his belly so ladies get creative in the kitchen and bless your husband with a nice meal. Besides a nice meal other things your husband will feel loved by you, will be making him new things such as desserts, smoothies, juices, and even tasty salads.
#4 Share your emotions with him without complaining: Think back to when you were first dating your husband. The way you communicated with him about how you felt was appropriate rather than nagging or complaining. When a woman is first trying to impress a man, she tries not to seem like she is crazy with her emotions but once she gets married she feels like she has the right to act like a psycho with those emotions. Ladies remember yes, it’s okay to share your emotions and feelings with your husband but ask for his advice or a listening ear and do not over complain or take out your negative emotions on him.
#5 Allow him to be the leader: A husband wants to feel like a man and not a child. As women, we love to be helpful and remind our husband of things we believe are important but if we are not careful it can sound demanding rather than a gentle reminder. So, find ways to communicate and make sure he knows that he is the one leading your household.
#6 Remember that you are both in the same team: Don’t ever take what your husband says personal and instead ask questions if you do not understand. Rather than getting frustrated at your husband come together as a team player and find solutions.
#7 Conversations that stimulate him: Be interested in what he is up to whether it’s his job or what he is up to. Ask questions and remember that your husband is not only your husband but he should be your friend to.
#8 Be open to new sexy ideas he wants: Ask your husband what he finds sexy and be okay with asking him to be specific. Share with him you ask because you would like to surprise him with being sexy with the things he likes when he least expects it.
#9 Pray for him and grow spiritually together: The best way to show someone love is to pray for them constantly and to be growing spiritually together. When God is the focus of your marriage he himself will bring you closer together.
#10 Be responsible with your emotions: If you need healing from your past or the now rather than attacking your husband make sure you work towards healing. Guard your mind, heart, body, spirit, and soul through God so that you can be present and loving towards your husband. If you need help by speaking to someone remember that it is okay to go to a therapist.
I usually write everyday whatever I feel God putting in my heart, so if I get a topic I write about it. In my time of being married, God has been teaching me an important lesson and that is respect. On my wedding vows, I used the word sassy and told my husband I would honor him, even when I wanted to be sassy, I would honor him because I realize he is a gift from God. I have been married for 2 months and let me tell you, it has been a true testing of the words I used on my vows of choosing to honor my husband and God….
Marriage was the opposite of everything I thought it would be; when I got married I had in my head things would be a certain way, and the moment they weren’t I truly wanted to be disrespectful. For a moment, I was so upset with God and my husband. The old me would want to run away and not give honor to whom it is due, but God and my husband deserve my respect.
When my husband and I got married, we came into the marriage with about $5,000 each, so we had $10,000 in total. My idea was that we could use the money to get started off on the right track; we chose to move to Oklahoma because this is where it felt right. My husband’s parents live here also, so I had suggested to my husband we stay with them for little bit until we got settled down with jobs and everything. But, my husband’s timeline of a short time was 1 year; when I said a short time, I meant a few months. I was so upset when he mentioned 1 year, as I saw that being newly married it was important for us to have privacy and be on our own. From there it felt like things just weren’t going my way, from my husband wanting me to consult him with every decision I made, to not knowing how to communicate and taking things personal.
Also, others things that made me so upset and added to my anger were that there was so many mosquitos, and also that during the summer when it’s so hot we would be driving around in a car with no AC.
Everything felt like it was going wrong and I was beginning to get so upset to the point I did not want to respect my husband because I wasn’t getting my way. But, I got myself to a place of surrender in prayer, and asking God to give me a heart for Oklahoma and my circumstances. Rather than complaining, I began to thank God for the things that upset me such as: “God, I thank you that we have a car to get around” or “God thank you that we can stay with his parents for this year and save.” The more I began to focus on the good, the happier I became, and also the more my marriage improved in a positive way. I began to listen to my husband, and to fully communicate my heart with him. Things have gotten so much better, and it’s because I chose not to get caught up in my feeling of wanting to be disrespectful, but I chose to surrender and ask God for His help.
I hope this post encourages you to respect God and your husband, in whatever situation you are currently going through.
Proverbs 4:23“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
Dayana Shiplett 